Christian Dating Advice Ep.1 | CHRISTIAN DATING ADVICE BIBLICAL APPROACH (The Christian Dating Boundaries No One Talks About)
written by Stephanie Rodnez
CHRISTIAN DATING ADVICE from a BIBLICAL APPROACH anybody? If you want to learn Christian dating advice from a Biblical approach so we can finally explore the Christian dating boundaries no one talks about in 3 steps or less, stay tuned to the end of this video because I’m going to teach you Christian dating advice from a Biblical approach using these three secrets:
Secret #1 – Stop Changing Your Personality and Start Understanding Who God Purposed You To Be without having to compromise who you really are for a man just because he shows interest in you.
Secret #2 – Stop Changing Your Criteria for A Husband Based on your latest love interest, and start understanding WHO God purposed you to be with so you never have to date a guy who doesn’t meet your standards again.
Secret #3 – Stop Sowing Your Wild Oats and start Living Your Life as if you’re already with the man you’re purposed to be with so he can recognize you when he sees you.
Hey my name is Stephanie Rodnez Fequiere, and I’ve been married to the Christian man of my dreams Daniel Fequiere for the past 8 years. He’s been such a blessing in my life, and as a purpose coach at Godlywood Girl, I share a lot about my relationship with Danny and how him being my husband has helped me tremendously on my purpose journey.
And because I share so much, a lot of you girls email me, DM me and ask me for Christian dating advice where it comes to your own relationships.
So with this Christian Dating Advice YouTube channel, it’s my goal to share Christian dating advice from a Biblical perspective that will help you discover the man God purposed you to be with too.
And let me tell you sis, it’s not your fault if you’ve had dating failures or breakups or struggles with Christian dating in the past. The world has been giving single BAD dating advice for decades. And it’s time to get back to basics and understand how the Lord wants us to approach dating as a Christian.
You matter to me, and your purpose matters to me. So let’s dive into Christian dating advice you can use every single day.
Now today we're going to talk about Christian dating advice from a Biblical approach, and we’ll specifically dive into the 3 Christian dating boundaries no one talks about. Don’t forget you can get my full guide to help you take action on these steps at purposegift.com. The link is in the description box of this video.
And if this your first time visiting the Godlywood Girl Christian Dating Advice YouTube Channel to watch a tutorial that helps you date as a Christian], put a heart in the comment box below so I can officially welcome you to the sisterhood.
So let’s dive into secret #1.
Secret #1 For Christian Dating Advice from a Biblical Approach] – Stop Changing Your Personality and Start Understanding Who God Purposed You To Be without having to compromise who you really are for a man just because he shows interest in you.
Now I know this is a tough one, and I totally get it because I remember when I had crushes in high school I would always figure out what the guy was interested in, and then try to mold myself into those same interests so I could catch his interest.
So terrible.
Because here’s the problem. If you’re constantly trying to change yourself to attract a guy, then you’ll never find a guy who loves you for who you truly are. You’ll only find a guy who truly loves you for what you’ve pretended to be. And sis, that’s not a way to start a healthy Christian marriage.
If you don’t understand who God purposed you to be in this world, then every time a man shows any interest in you, you’ll adapt who you are, your interests, your personality, what you really like to do, all in a manner to make that man want you.
And once you get him, it leaves you miserable, because now you have to live your life pretending to be something you’re not. And when the relationship inevitably ends because you finally show him what you really are like, and it’s not what he was looking for, you’re left heart broken and upset that another relationship didn’t work out.
And I truly am sorry for that, because it’s not your fault. It wasn’t my fault that I did this in high school, and it’s not your fault if you’re doing it now. The world teaches us that we need to attract a man based on what HE wants, not what WE want.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The truth is that the Lord intends for you to be equally yoked with your husband. That means you don’t have to compromise your vision, your passion, your talents, your abilities. You don’t have to compromise your love for the Lord or serving in ministry or going to church. Because your husband is meant to be equally yoked to love those things about you.
The Message Translation of 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says
14-18 Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way:
“I’ll live in them, move into them;
I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people.
So leave the corruption and compromise;
leave it for good,” says God.
“Don’t link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself.
I’ll be a Father to you;
you’ll be sons and daughters to me.”
The Word of the Master, God.
Sis, this means to be equally yoked, you need to be with a man who is on the same spiritual wavelength of you. You need to be with a man who has the same Spiritual discipline as you. And you need to be a man who has the same passion to live his purpose as you do.
So sis, the solution to make sure you’re not unequally yoked is to first understand what YOUR half of that yoke is, i.e., what is your God-given purpose. What did God make you to do in this world? What path does He want you pursuing? Who did He create you to be?
Only when you discover those things can you make sure you don’t compromise yourself for a man just because he shows interest in you.
So the solution is to get clear on who God purposed you to be FIRST, because that’s the only way your man will be attracted to who you really are.
Because I was so clear on who I was in Christ BEFORE my husband even got to know me, when he saw me in my purpose, doing my God thing, pursuing what God purposed me to do on this earth, he never tried to make me compromise who I was when we started dating.
He never said “stop working on your dream” or “stop going to church” or “stop volunteering so much in the ministry.” He knew who I was BEFORE he got to me, so there was no compromise necessary.
To help you understand God’s purpose for your life and take action on this step, I have a free Find Your Purpose Toolkit that will help you understand exactly what God put you on this earth to do at purposegift.com. It includes the eBook, journal, video tutorial and daily devotional – all free of charge. Make sure you get it while it’s still available at purposegift.com.
And if you’re ready to try this step out, put an I’m READY in the comment box so I can send you additional resources.
So Secret #2 for Christian Dating Advice from a Biblical Approach - Stop Changing Your Criteria for A Husband Based on your latest love interest, and start understanding WHO God purposed you to be with so you never have to date a guy who doesn’t meet your standards again.
Sister of Christ, let me tell you something, if you don’t know what kind of man you are purposed to be with, you may accidentally let the wrong type of man make you his wife.
Ooooh chile.
I remember I had a friend who absolutely loved the Lord and wanted to live her life for Him, but she ended up meeting a man who didn’t really go to church too often, but he had a gorgeous face and an even more gorgeous body.
He treated her well enough and made her laugh most of the time, so she decided to keep pursuing the relationship anyway. Whenever she wanted to go to church, he always stayed home. If she invited him to read the Bible with her, he respectfully declined and kept watching football.
Well, about 2 years into the relationship, he popped the question and proposed to her. She said yes, and she got married to him a year later.
3 years after that – they got a divorce.
Why?
Well, it turns out she thought she could “change” him into the husband she wanted him to be. She wanted a husband who was a spiritual leader, who had a personal relationship with Christ, who wanted to study the Bible and live God’s purpose for his life.
What she got was a man who didn’t like going to church, never picked up a Bible unless he was at a baptism, and had no interest in pursing a path outside of what he was already doing.
AKA, he was exactly who he was when he first started dating her. She was the one who wanted him to be something different. And 3 years into the marriage, when she realized he would never be something different, she realized she made a mistake.
Now this isn’t a story that will happen to everyone, but sis, let me give you some true Christian dating advice from the word of God:
When your man shows you who he is, believe him the first time.
If he tells you he doesn’t want to read the Bible, he really doesn’t want to read the Bible. And that’s not going to change just because you marry him.
If he tells you he doesn’t want to go church, he really isn’t going to go to church. And that won’t change just because you marry him.
If he doesn’t have a personal intimate relationship with Christ, he won’t get an intimate relationship with Christ just because you marry him.
Now, there is the case that sometimes the men we marry do end up coming to the Lord during our marriage, and that’s beautiful, and Paul talks about that in Corinthians when he encourages people to stay married to non-believers just in case they do end up coming to Christ.
But sis –
You’re not married yet.
So there’s no reason for you to walk into a lifetime partnership with a man who you know ain’t on the same level as you.
You are in a uniquely WONDERFUL position of still being able to choose your mate for life, so choose wisely. Take this time to understand the kind of man God PURPOSED you to marry. The kind of man He wants you to be with.
Will your man be perfect, no. But it’s intention that matters. What is his intention when it comes to Christ? What is his intention when it comes to how he treats you?
THIS is key.
And the way to make sure we are clear on the type of man we want to marry so we don’t accidentally marry a man who is the opposite of what we want to be with –
Is to study God’s word and understand what kind of man the Lord wants you to marry.
Like Ephesians 5:25 – 33, which says:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ...
Sis, you want a man who's gonna love you like THAT.
The only way to understand what kind of man you need is to study how God wants men to act in His word. Then you can recognize your man when you see him, and you can recognize a man when he’s NOT who you want as a husband.
For me, it was important to me that I married a man who loved the Lord and worshipped the Lord in Spirit and Truth. My relationship with Jesus is the most important part of my life, and I wanted a man who felt the exact same way. So if there was a man who showed interest in me who wasn’t in love with the Lord, I had no attraction to him whatsoever.
Another thing that was important to me was finding a man who respected women as authority figures. I knew God wanted me to be a boss in my business, and I had no interest in marrying a man who thought women were second class citizens. So when I met a man who expressed how he wanted his wife to stay home all day, cooking and cleaning while he dictated where they lived, what they spent, what they did – I ran in the other direction. I don’t care how fine he was. That was not a man purposed to be with me. And by the way, a good way to spot a man who knows how to treat a woman with respect is to look at the way that man treats his mother and his sisters. My husband adores his mother and sister and treats them with the upmost dignity and respect. And because of that, I knew he would do that for me too.
Create a list of the qualities and standards in man you know the Lord purposed you to be with, and stick to it. Don’t compromise just because he fine. Look at his intentions, and learn to see him clearly through that lens.
And if you want more scriptures about the type of qualities the Bible says your husband should have, like this video to let me know you want a tutorial that takes you through those scriptures.
And finally, let’s dive into secret #3.
Secret #3 to Christian Dating Advice from a Biblical Approach - Stop Sowing Your Wild Oats and start Living Your Life as if you’re already with the man you’re purposed to be with so he can recognize you when he sees you.
Now, this advice of “sowing your wild oats while you’re young,” I’m not quite sure where it comes from, but it’s the most ridiculous advice I’ve ever heard.
Because here’s what the word of God says in Galatians 6:7-8, the Message Translation:
7-8 Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
So if we apply that to sowing our wild oats, then if you are planting those wild oats, sis, you gonna reap some wild oat weeds.
There’s no getting around this. There’s no mocking God.
If you want to reap the man God purposed you to be with, then you need to sow seeds as the woman God purposed you to be.
Let me say that again.
If you want to reap the man God purposed you to be with, then you need to sow seeds as the woman God purposed you to be.
Listen, the kind of man who loves you as Christ loves the church, who acts with discipline and self control, who wears the armour of Christ, who practices the fruits of the spirit –
That kind of man will not be attracted to a woman who isn’t doing the same exact thing.
Before my husband and I started dating, there was a young attractive woman at our church who had just started going there. Almost everyone in our youth group was pushing my husband to go out with her. Remember, this was way before my husband and I started talking.
Anyway, he thought she was cute, and he loved how she spoke up in Bible study and knew the Bible. So one day, him and his friend decided to give her a ride home from church. And when she got in the car, she started cussing, joking around with crude jokes, acting completely different than she had at church.
And immediately, my husband was no longer attracted to her.
You know why?
Because my husband was already walking in his purpose. He already knew who he was in Christ. And he was looking for someone who matched where he already was.
Sis, your future husband will only be able to recognize you if you’re already in your purpose too.
You have to be the kind of woman a purposed man would WANT to make his wife.
Just like in step 2, you’ll be able to recognize your husband based on the Biblical standards you set? He’ll be able to recognize you as his wife based on the Biblical standards HE set.
Be the kind of purposed woman a purposed husband wants to make his wife.
If you want a husband who doesn’t drink and smoke, then why are you drinking and smoking?
If you want a husband who doesn’t cheat, then why are you dating another woman’s man?
If you want a man who goes to church, then why aren’t you going to church?
If you want a man who has a deep relationship with Christ, then why aren’t you deepening your relationship with Christ?
Be the kind of purposed woman a purposed husband wants to make his wife.
My husband wanted to start dating me because I was ALREADY the type of woman he’d be proud to make his wife. There was no needing to fix me or change me. I was already the kind of woman he’d want to marry. Dating was just to make sure. So be sure to get started being the kind of woman you’re purposed to be by getting my free Find Your Purpose Toolkit at purposegift.com to help you find God’s purpose for your life, and subscribe to this Christian Dating Advice YouTube channel for a new video every Sunday morning at 6am EST.
Sis, if you got value from this video, please share it now with one person who you know needs to hear this information –
Before we go, I'd like to give you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, "Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make you my Lord and Savior." If you prayed that simple prayer, I believe you got born again. Get in a Bible-based church, and keep the Lord first place. Send me an email at hello@godlywoodgirl.com to let me know you've made this decision so I can pray for you and encourage you on this journey.
Now if you stayed until the end of this video, put a praying hands emoji in the comments so I can send you a BIG THANK YOU. Please know I’m praying for you girls always, and I can’t wait to see you in the next video!
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The Next Step
Thank you for reading today's blog on GodlywoodGirl.com. If you're ready to get unstuck, stop feeling frustrated and start REALLY understanding God's greatest purpose for your life -
Then grab my FREE Godlywood Girl's Guide To Finding Your Purpose Toolkit where I'll show you how to find God's purpose for your life step-by-step!
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Sis, my greatest desire here at Godlywood Girl is to empower at least 5 million women of Christ to find their God-given purpose, starting with YOU. So visit http://purposegift.com so I can send you a free copy of my brand new FREE “Find Your Purpose Toolkit” today!
Want to learn how to find God's purpose for your life?
Sister of Christ, if you're ready to get unstuck, stop feeling frustrated and start REALLY understanding God's greatest purpose for your life -
And if you're ready to start living God's greatest purpose for your life, make sure you comment below, "I am purposed" below so I can be praying for you on this journey, and be sure to share this blog post with at least one women of Christ who you know is ready to find her passion and purpose in life.
Thanks so much for reading, and Jesus willing I'll see you in the next article.
xox,
Stephanie (Godlywood Girl) Rodnez
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